I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
