u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
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