That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I am spending my child support on dildos
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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