She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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