There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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