He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
