i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Alive.
So much puke
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
