i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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