my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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