Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
