Non-Jews are for practice
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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