it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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