Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
