so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
