Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
