bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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