So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Randomize
