Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize