So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
