I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
