He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I want a musical about memes.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
