were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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