yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
