he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So vagazzling was a success
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
