Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
