so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
