I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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