Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You have to summon your inner elephant
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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