Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
