you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
