you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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