He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
