Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The power of my boobs compel you
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
