you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
