I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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