Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
is that a dick in a sweater?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
