My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
