Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
