He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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