I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
