Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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