nut hugger
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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