Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
