the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
