I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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