I understand why you refuse to be sober now
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize