dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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