I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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