well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
