there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
