there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
