I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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