I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
