I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
