Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
