I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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