LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
