whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
