So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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