Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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