I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
