she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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