dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
