quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
