I hate your face
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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