Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
